Hi, My Name is Kati and I am a Medical Freak

27 01 2012

You know those friends that call you with the most random, who the hell does that really happen to medical issues.   You are watching the freaky TLC medical examiner or even my favorite true to life medical drama House and realize that your medical freak friend has actually called you within the last month with at least one of those issues.  Hi, my name is Kati and I am that friend.

Probably even worse, I watch those shows and self-diagnose.  I am sure I am a doctor’s dream. 🙂

So here is my latest for your amusement.   Thanks to my aging body parts I now go through bouts of insomnia once a month.  Yes, I had most of those parts removed that would trigger those hormones.   Here I must remind you that I am indeed a medical freak so my body can still produce copious amounts of estrogen that keeps me awake for 2-3 hours a night, 2-3 nights a month.  It’s real fun.  I’m sure it makes me a delight to live with.

Back to my sleepless night.  I got fed up with tossing and turning and decided to read.  Trying to be a good wife (I work at that every once and a while) I pulled the covers over my head and read on my phone (my Nook phone app) for about an hour.  After finishing my book I turned off my phone and closed my eyes.

Imagine my surprise when I opened my eyes again and one wasn’t working.   Not seeing spots, not fuzzy but seeing all black – not working.  I blinked a couple of times, still all black.

Now, having watched my medical dramas I knew that one of three things was going on:

1.  I ate too many avocados on a full moon that fell on a Thursday, causing an imbalance in my electrolytes, which in turn caused my Vit. b12 to drop.  This was then causing me to have a stroke.  It could happen, ask House.

2.  The mixture of laundry detergent and cat litter caused a chemical reaction that caused all the free radicals in my body to attack my optic nerve.  Seriously, I think I saw that on Dr. G.

3.  The light of the phone was making me temporarily blind in one eye.

Now, knowing that I am, indeed a medical freak I think we can rule out number 3 right off the bat.   Moving on.  Knowing that when my husband read number 2 he laughed out loud because I neither do laundry OR change the cat litter I think we can rule out number 2.

So, there I was, 3:30 am and surely having a stroke.  Although I am a medical freak and as I stated above a delight to live with I try not to wake my husband if it’s not an absolute emergency.  I decided to manage the stroke on my own and he would certainly wake up when I began convulsing.

Funny thing about trying to stay awake – you automatically fall asleep.  So, either I fell asleep or went into a coma.  You will all be happy to know when I woke up I had my vision in both eyes and there were no signs that my stroke even happened!  A normal person would take the moral of this story as, Don’t assume the worst – it clearly wasn’t a stroke.  Me, I’m choosing instead to have my moral of the story be, I need better sleeping pills. 

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6 responses

27 01 2012
Tri Madness

Cracked up at this! Not only am I also a medical freak, I’m a crime freak, a “how it’s made” freak, so on and so on.

Glad you didn’t try to dig out your eye with a spoon or something!

27 01 2012
maggieru

Totally the avocados.

Just kidding…. good luck solving your medical mystery – insomnia sucks: I get a lighter version of it every recovery week and/or off-season!

27 01 2012
Ruthie

Thanks for the laugh for the day!!! 🙂 I love you even if you are a medical freak!! Sorry you got all the medical weirdness of the family!

27 01 2012
Joshua

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! I’m glad your stroke passed Kati. And that the cat litter didn’t attack you. I self diagnose too, but only physiological conditions while sitting in class, so I feel your pain.

29 01 2012
Jill Poon (@tribirdie)

Cracking me up!!! BTW – that happens to me when I’m on the iPhone at night if I am lying on my side with one eye in the pillow and other looking at eyePhone (haha) except instead of doing something constructive like reading i play sudoku when I can’t sleep 😀

7 02 2012
Colleen

Oh my gosh Kati, I hate to say I was laughing through this, but I totally was. I’m so glad that you didn’t have any other stroke symptoms and that you aren’t permanently blind in one eye! 🙂

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